


Beyond the Happy End

by KendraPendragon



Category: A Song of Ice and Fire - George R. R. Martin, Game of Thrones (TV)
Genre: Angst, F/M, Happy Ending, Heartache, Jaime of Tarth, Longing, Post-War, Smut, canon continuance, fear of losing the other, feeling undesired, married, no sex in six months, struggling with feelings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-16
Updated: 2018-09-16
Packaged: 2019-07-13 02:46:44
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,164
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16008671
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KendraPendragon/pseuds/KendraPendragon
Summary: It should have been their happy ending. They survived the war and are on Tarth. But something is wrong. Jaime had stopped reaching for her in the night, had stopped making love to her.Brienne feels unwanted and unloved, thinking that Jaime now found her ugly and regretted ever marrying her.More than anything else she wants him to be happy, even if it means to let him go.She hurts, she longs, she loves, she struggles - only to find out that Jaime feels the same.





	Beyond the Happy End

It should have been their happy ending.  
  
They survived it all, the battle against the Night King, the battle against Cersei's army.  
In the mids of chaos and death they wed under the weirwood tree in Winterfell, desperate and so afraid to lose one another.  
  
The Gods showed mercy and let them both live.  
  
The Dragon Queen showed mercy and let the slayer of her father live, stripping him off his name, lands and titles. Without protest he had accepted, even looked relieved when he became Jaime of Tarth.  
  
On Tarth they were now, the sapphire isle, a beautiful island even in winter.  
Here, their life truly should have begun.

Here they should have been happy.

  
And yet, they weren't.  
  
  
***  
  
  
The last time he reached for her was at sea, on their way to his new home. She had felt the change in his touch. Less eager. Fewer sweet words. Fewer kisses.

After he finished onto her belly, he turned his back.  
This last night at sea, Brienne had cried for the first time. Silent tears, with him lying next to her, back to back, breathing evenly.

Six months they'd been at Evenfall Hall now.

He hadn't reached for her once.

Of course Brienne knew what it meant. The words of her septa were still loud and clear inside her head, reminding her of what she was every night she stood in front of the door to his adjoining room, making her turn away.  
  
She never thought it possible, but as she stood on her balcony, the cold winds of winter sneaking under her robe and night shift, she wished them back at Winterfell, with the imminent danger of death. Despite being scared, depsite all the losses they suffered, she had been happy; at night, when Jaime came to her, crushing her body to his own, kissing her hard and deep as he thrusted into her, panting into her mouth, whispering words of love as he took her until his body was slick with sweat.  
  
Then, it had not bothered him that she was ugly.  
  
Then, he had loved her.

But now he was trapped in this marriage he had so urgently proposed, with nowhere else to go. The queen had made him a Tarth and a Tarth he had to be til the day he died.

  
  
***  
  
  
She knew he was unhappy, felt his pain as if it was in her very own chest. He rarely spoke, he rarely looked at her. Never had she seen him so solemn, many times gazing out onto the deep blue waters and the snow covered trees, sitting on his balcony, a cup and a wine pitcher next to him on the table.  
  
It broke her heart to see him this unhappy.  
  
But she was a coward.

She should release him from his oath, if not officially then between the two of them, and let him find a place on Tarth for his own. Away from her ugliness.

It would have been merciful. It would have been the right thing to do. Yet, the mere thought of not having him near brought wretched tears to her eyes. She couldn't bear the thought of not being with him.  
  
  
She loved him so.  
  
  
Never had she loved like this, never thought she could after her heart had been broken so many times. Her heart should have been cold and empty, but Gods, it was so full of him it hurt.  
  
She couldn't let him go, tried to regain at least the friendship they once had shared, before he had kissed her for the very first time, after battle, their blood singing with battle fever.  
Attempt after attempt she made, invited him to come along on her trips around the isle to inspect the process of rebuilding. She had invited him to private breakfasts in her solar, she had invited him to spar.

That, he declined.

And that had hurt the most.

  
Sparring with each other had been so wonderful at Winterfell. His smile, his cocky grin when he blocked her with his left, when he kicked her feet from under her, made her kneel.

He had been so alive then, so very beautiful.  
  
She wanted to see him like this so badly. Carefree and energetic.

  
  
***

  
  
Now six months had passed and she knew she had lost him entirely.

He had shut her out completely, even rejected her friendship.

  
  
Brienne felt numb.

  
Every day, every night, with every intake of breath. She had felt something like that when Renly had died. This was even worse.  
  
  
And it had finally reached a point where she couldn't continue.  
  
  
In her younger years she had prepared for this. She knew she could do it, had been lonely for most of her life. If the rest of her days as the Evenstar should be like this, so be it.

If she wasn't going to be happy, at least she wanted him to be happy.  
  
She would die to make him happy.  
  
So tonight, she would be brave.  
  
Tonight, she would set him free.

  
  
***

  
  
There was a long pause after she had knocked at his door. It was late and she was ashamed of that. She had needed too long to steel her heart for what was to come.  
  
Eventually, he bade her in.  
  
Her heart clenched at the sound of his voice. She hadn't heard it in days.  
  
As quietly as her big, unelegant body allowed, she entered his spacious chamber. It was the grandest chamber in the entire keep. Her father had lived here. Her mother had died in here.  
Her father's decorations, books and furniture were still scattered about the room.

Jaime had never cared to make it his.  
  
Brienne found him in his father's chair by the fire, staring into the flames, a cup of wine in his hand.  
  
For a moment, she couldn't help but stare at his profile, the long straight nose, the soft mouth, the sharp line of his stubbled jaw. His hair was almost as long as the first time she had met him, grey mixing into the gold.  
  
  
He still was the most beautiful man she had ever seen.  
  
  
"What do you want, Brienne?"  
He couldn't even look at her.  
  
He never looked at her anymore.  
  
She remembered how he had panted against her lips, ordering her to open her eyes as he moved on top of her, to look at him as he made love to her.  
  
A knot formed in her throat.

Her heart ached.

Her entire body was frozen to the spot, her mind lost in those bittersweet memories of him loving her.  
  
Jaime's jaw clenched. He took a long sip of wine and put his cup onto the round table a little too hard, causing a 'thud'.  
  
"What?" he asked again, his voice sharp.  
  
Her mind was empty. There were no words inside her head. She was stupid, as always, unable to think. She gaped at him like the silly cow she was.  
  
Jaime shot out of his chair, turning his back to her, walking to the window, leaning his right arm against it as he stared into the night, his stump above his head.

He had stopped to wear a cover for his wrist.  
  
Brienne remembered how she had kissed his scarred end, remembered how he had moaned, how he had looked at her with tears in his eyes.  
"Another invitation to appease me? Another pretence to get me involved in the island's reconstruction to wear me out so I will only want to sleep at night?"  
Through the fog of fear and sadness, his words startled something inside of her.  
"What are you talking about?"  
"Stop it," he hissed and the tone of his voice was almost desperate. She saw him shift, his back tense, his hand gripping the window sill, "I have enough of this. I've done it all before. I won't do it again."  
"Have done what before?"  
The meaning of his words was truly lost on her. A part of her was confused, a part of her was irritated by his anger.

A part of her was simply joyous that he was talking to her.  
  
He half turned to her at her question, his green eyes sparkling with anger and firelight.  
  
"I won't beg, Brienne!" he shouted, his entire body tight as a bowstring, his chest heaving.  
  
At her widened gaze, he turned back to the window, gripping the window sill, letting out a breath.  
  
"I won't beg. I've begged all my life. For a touch, a kiss, a loving embrace, a few seconds of affection. So often been denied, pushed away..."  
  
He exhaled again.  
  
When Brienne understood, she stiffened, a picture of the Mad Queen dancing behind her eyes, wearing a cold expression, this knowing, arrogant smirk.  
  
  
_Cersei._  
  
_Cersei._  
  
_Always Cersei._  
  
_Beautiful, perfect Cersei._  
  
  
Brienne swallowed the tears. She wanted to run, to flee his presence. It had been so long since he spoke of her...had never really spoken of her before. To hear him talk of her now of all times was painful, so painful.  
  
She didn't want to hear him tell her how much he missed his dead twin, his lover, the woman he had loved all his life.  
  
Just when she wanted to storm out, he turned to her.

The look in his eyes, the tension in his jaw and shoulders froze her to the spot.  
  
He looked at her for a long moment, his eyes wet, his brows twitching, his chin trembling. Then he averted his eyes, blinking, his lips parting a few times before he spoke.  
  
"I will not beg for your love, Brienne. I cannot...I'm not strong enough."  
  
His voice broke and he half turned, away, hiding his face, wiping at it angrily, before he showed her his profile yet again.  
  
"If you don't want me anymore, just say it outright. Don't play games with me. I don't deserve it. I have been true to you, I have loved you with all my heart. If that isn't enough, then so be it. Just say the words and I'll leave. We've been friends, once. We trusted and respected each other. It might mean nothing to you anymore, but I want you to honor what we had and tell me the truth."

A pause filled with painful silence, then he finally turned to her. With a determined expression and a twitching jaw he looked at her.  
Only then, when his emerald eyes met hers, did she truly understand.  
  
He loved her still.  
  
He wanted her.  
  
He yearned for her.  
  
He ached for her, just like she ached for him.  
  
He craved her touch, her kiss, her love just as much as she craved his.  
  
Jaime loved her.  
  
  
And he thought she didn't love him back.

  
Brienne gasped at this realization.

Her body sprung into action.

Hastily she crossed the room, so relieved, so happy, so afraid he would leave her.

Tears were blurring her vision when she reached him, crushing him to her, burying her face in his neck and wrapping her arms around him, as tight as she could.  
She wept then, when she finally felt and smelled him again, after all these lonely months; Jaime, her Jaime.

When the first, horrible sob left her throat, Jaime slung his arms around her, pressing her to him as hard as he could, his hand grabbing at her blue jerkin. He buried his face in the crook of her neck, his hot lips pressed against her throat.  
  
Jaime.  
  
Her Jaime.  
  
"I love you", burst it out of her through her embarrassing tears. She had never said it before, never been brave enough, always afraid that there would be no reply. But now she knew, and she was so godsdamn happy, and she knew he needed to hear it.  
  
So she pulled back enough to look at him, for the first time giving a damn that she must look horrible with her teary eyes and her flushed face, and ran her hands through his hair, cupped his face, stroked his cheekbones, his lips, his ears, every inch of this beautiful face.  
  
"I love you", she whispered urgently, over and over, touching him as tenderly as she could with her long fingers and palms. "Jaime...my Jaime."  
  
"Brienne", was all he could say, staring up at her, eyes brimming with tears, a blush in his cheeks, lips parted in wonder.  
  
That's when she pulled his face to her. For the very first time she kissed him first, all fear forgotten, only love and desire in her heart.  
  
"Forgive me", she whispered against his lips, forehead against his, "I didn't know. I didn't understand. I thought you didn't want me, that you regretted marrying Brienne the Beauty now that the war is over. I thought you finally realized how ugly I am and couldn't bear to touch me-"  
  
"Stop it! Stop it!" he panted and grabbed her neck to pull her into another kiss, hard and fierce, reclaiming her body with demanding strokes of his tongue. "I love you. I want you. More than anything. Wench. My wench."  
  
Laughter burst out of her and she hugged him tight, the once despised nickname the most beautiful music in her ears. Eagerly she kissed his hair, his jaw, his temple, his forehead, his nose, the corner of his mouth, his cheek, his ear. When she bit into his lobe in her frantic state, Jaime groaned and pressed his groin against her.  
A violent shudder shot through her.

He was hard. So hard. For her. Only for her.  
  
Panting his name she kissed him again, long and deep, trying to show him how much she wanted him, trying to kiss him good, to give him as much pleasure as he always had given her.  
She had never felt more desirable when he moaned into her mouth and melted against her, clinging to her like she was the strongest, most beautiful woman in the world.

  
The longer they kissed, the more they calmed down. This desperate urgency they had felt in their chests left them and now they were sharing slow and tender kisses, like they had that very first night, when he had taken her maidenhead.  
He had been so patient and tender with her then, had touched and kissed her body so thoroughly until she had been burning for him.  
  
She wanted to do this for him now, wanted to kiss him everywhere.  
  
Never had she done that, she thought almost sadly as she pulled back from him, took his hand and guided him to the large bed. She had never been brave enough to touch him much, only in the heat of the moment had she clutched his back or arse, always feeling ashamed afterwards.  
  
Tonight, she would be brave.

And all the nights to come.  
  
Standing in front of the bed she kissed him tenderly. Her fingers unlaced his tunic, her palms wandered down his well-defined chest, felt his heartbeat drumming against her hand.  
  
He wanted her.  
  
She smiled into the kiss and slipped her hands underneath the fabric to press her palms into the warm skin on his back, sliding back up, taking the tunic with her. Jaime broke the kiss to pull it off and toss it away.  
He looked at her with warm, soft eyes and she couldn't help but smile at him. He smiled back.  
"We're such idiots", he chuckled and wrapped his arms around her, pulling her close. "Six months, wench. Six months that were worse than two years battling the dead."  
Brienne nodded in agreement, combing her fingers through his hair.  
"It's all my fault. I don't know how to be a wife...or a woman."  
"Stop doing that, Brienne", Jaime whispered, frowning. "I won't let you talk yourself down anymore. You are a woman. The most wonderful woman I have ever met. You are the woman I want, the only woman I'll ever want. Do you understand?"  
Brienne gulped, but nodded.  
"Then better not forget it again, wench, because I won't let another day go by without enjoying you. We didn't survive all this shit to not be happy now."  
"Jaime...", Brienne sighed and rested her forehead against his.  
  
A moment of silence, warm and full of love.  
  
Gods, how much she loved this man.  
  
"I'm so sorry I made you feel unwanted. I've been taught to be quiet and do my duty as a wife. I've been taught to endure, to receive and comply, to be satisfied with what I got. It never occured to me...that you need my touch as much as I need yours. I feel so very stupid now. Of course men want to be touched, as well."  
Jaime chuckled, a sound Brienne had missed so very dearly.  
"Yes, they do, wench. A lot. Not only in the night. Feel free to touch me any time you want."  
  
There was a challenge glittering in his eyes and the little smirk he gave her, his left hand coming to her front to unbutton her brown leather jerkin. An hour ago they had been so miserable. Now all of that pain felt like a half-forgotten nightmare.  
  
"I want to touch you now, Jaime", Brienne whispered, her thumb caressing his ear while her fingers were buried in his hair. Jaime's hand stopped and his eyes flew up to hers, the smile vanishing from his lips.  
  
His look gave her so much encouragement, so much bravery.

Brienne hoped Septa Roelle was swimming in a lake of fire in one of the seven hells.  
  
"I want to touch you everywhere", she added, biting her lip to surpress a girlish giggle at the look Jaime gave her now.  
  
"Wench", he only panted and pushed her onto the bed, falling on top of her.  
  
  
They rolled around the bed, giggling and laughing as they divested each other of their clothes until they were both naked.  
Before he could, Brienne rolled on top of him, making him moan loudly into her mouth. She giggled, he nipped at her bottom lip.  
  
"Look who found her bravery at last."  
  
He gave her a teasing smile that sent a shiver down her spine. His hand and his stump ran down her back to her arse. He grabbed her cheek and gave her a firm squeeze.  
Brienne bit her lip.  
  
"I like you on top, wench."  
"So the lazy old lion gets served", she shot back, her fingertips brushing along his ear shell.  
"I've done all the work until now, wench", he pointed out and gulped, his eyes falling close.  
It took her a second to understand that it was due to her fingers caressing his ears.  
  
Feeling so carefree and bold, she turned his face to the side and sucked at his earlobe. Jaime moaned, which made her even braver, and she bit into it before she let it plop out of her mouth in order to lick his ear shell with the tip of her tongue.  
A ragged breath left his mouth and his hips jerked up.  
  
"Gods, Brienne", he panted and the hand on her arse slid down to her thigh to push it towards him. His stump did the same with her other side until she was straddling him.  
He moaned again when she nipped at his ear and sucked at his earlobe again.  
  
_Who knew this could affect him this much?!_  
  
He was hot und trembling with desire beneath her. His hand and his stump wandered up and down her back, gripping, caressing. When she carefully pushed the tip of her tongue into the ear shell, against the entrance, Jaime's hips buckled, accompanied by a throaty groan.  
  
The hand that had been holding on to her shoulder hastened down between her legs. He grabbed himself and a second later she felt his hot, smooth head poke the wet flesh of her cunt, searching for her cave.  
"Jaime, I want to touch you more."  
As if he hadn't even heard her he pushed his cock into his wife, letting out a shameless moan as he filled her to the hilt.  
Only then did he open his eyes and looked at her.  
  
"You can, Brienne. Everywhere you want. But I need you now. I'm close to madness, thanks to you. I need to fuck you, wife. Afterwards you can live out your new bravery on me all you want. Alright?"  
Brienne couldn't help but be disappointed.  
"Fine", she agreed, her mouth a pout.  
  
Jaime wrapped his arms around his wife and pulled her close as he began to push into her from below.  
  
"This. This is all I wanted. You wanting me. Oh, my love...", he breathed and leaned up to kiss her throat. "I love you so much, Brienne. I want you so much it hurts."  
  
"Jaime", she whispered and soothingly stroked his hair.  
  
Their lips found each other and Brienne began to answer the pushes of his hips with her own.

Of course she was clumsy and inexperienced, never been on top before, but as soon as they found their rhythm - Gods, she loved it.  
  
No thought wasted on the appearance of her body, Brienne sat up and pressed his hips into the mattress. She looked at his beautiful chest, let her hands slide over his warm skin, the hard muscles, let her fingers wander through his chest hair.  
When she met his gaze she was struck by the intense longing she saw in his eyes and the instinct to look away from him died right then and there.  
  
She never wanted to look at anything else but him.  
  
At the first roll of her hips, his mouth fell open. At the second, his hand grasped her hip, squeezing hard.  
He clung to her with hand and stump pressed against her thigh as she rode him slowly.  
  
  
Gods, she was loving this, she thought over and over. This strange feeling of power, of femininity. It made her almost feel beautiful, it made her feel strong in a way she hadn't thought possible.  
  
And Jaime, he looked so happy lying underneath her, being taken by her. His lips were parted, his cheeks flushed and his eyes sparkling.  
  
"You have the most beautiful eyes I have ever seen", he whispered, not being able to look away from her.  
  
She smiled, so very grateful to be loved by this man.  


Shortly after, Jaime lifted himself off the mattress and slung his arms around her. Brienne shifted a little, her arms coming aorund his shoulders, and recommenced to fuck her husband.  
Jaime couldn't stop staring at her and for the first time, Brienne didn't mind. She would never mind his looks again.  
Tenderly she stroke his hair and kissed him, licking his tongue with the tip of her own, relishing his taste in her mouth.  
She never wanted this night to end. She never wanted to stop making love to Jaime of Tarth, her husband, her lover, her man.  
  
"Sweetling", Jaime whispered against her lips after a while, "please, faster. I want to come, Brienne. I want to come inside you. Please."  
He kissed her urgently and the feeling jumped over to her, setting her hips into motion. Soon they were rutting breathlessly, holding each other close, their bodies slick with sweat, alternating between kissing and gazing at each other.  
The tell-tale flattening of his breathing was enough for Brienne, but Jaime announced his approaching climax, anyway.  
"I'm close, Brienne. Brienne, Gods, Brienne...please, please! Together, love, together!"  
His hand squeezed its way between their bodies and his thumb roughly teased her clit. Brienne could see in his face that he tried to wait for her, but as soon as she clenched her muscles, he shouted out his orgasm.  
  
For the very first time Jaime came inside of her and the thrill of this feeling was what sent her over the edge. Jaime shouted again as her cunt pumped and sucked at his cock and buried his head between her breasts, pushing into her desperately until it hurt.

 

***

  
  
They fell back onto the mattress, Jaime's arms instantly wrapping around her, his lips showering her face, throat and shoulder with countless kisses, each sweeter than the one before. Never letting go of each other they slipped beneath the sheets and Brienne pulled Jaime into her arms, his thundering heart against hers, his face into the crook of her neck.  
  
Roles reversed, mayhaps, but Brienne didn't care. For once, she wanted to hold him, to give him warmth and love and the safety of her embrace.  
  
From the way Jaime snuggled against her and kissed her throat she knew he didn't mind.  
  
"I could get used to this", he mumbled as they were about to fall asleep.  
  
"Every night, Jaime. From now on I'll hold you every night", she vowed softly, her fingers tenderly weaving through his hair.  
  
"Wench", was his only reply, the longing tone in his voice making her smile as she drifted away.


End file.
